The All Sex Workers Are Abuse Victims Fairy Tale

Any client that spends time with me will probably be as impressed with my relaxed demeanour as he is with, I hope, my sexual prowess.  And I believe the same is true for the majority of escorts.  But I know of at least one man who is concerned that behind the merry laughter during his bookings with escorts, the ladies may be papering over the cracks of sexual abuse.  He asked on a forum if it is true that ladies who choose to sell sex do so because they have been abused or raped in the past. 

I rolled my eyes when I read the question.  I don't think it's an offensive question.  I do think it is an ignorant (no offence meant) question based on the stereotype of the self-harming hooker.  And maybe also fuelled by the do-gooders that love the hero complex and the idea that they can save us all from ourselves.

For every one lady that does turn to prostitution because she was abused, raped, or whatever, there must be thousands, or tens of thousands, who have been rendered far too dysfunctional by their trauma to be any kind of sex worker.  Sexual trauma results in a life of prostitution far less often than the media would have us believe.

I'm not saying it isn't true that some sex workers have a history of some kind of sexual assault at one time or the other, whether a paedophilic family member or a date rape from some numpty that couldn't take no for an answer, but this applies to a huge number of non-sex workers who have got on with life and never considered prostitution.

I came into this profession because I could and I wanted to.  I feel very lucky to have had the chance and regret not trying it ten years earlier, although, without the Internet, it may not have been the accessible career choice that it is now.  I'd thought about it on and off for years with a sort of envy and awe at the women that could do this.  I wasn't seeing the snotty nosed, wild-eyed, drug crazed victim with a death wish and her back up against a wall in a dark alley.  I was seeing the sassy ladies with a Mona Lisa grin and eyes that said, "you'll never guess what I did last Summer,".  I've discovered women who could, tomorrow, turn their backs on prostitution and become lawyers, accountants, engineers, even politicians.  These are gifted, liberated women with a sense of fun that makes them just right for this profession. 

The thing about the face of this prostitution is that the original visibility was given to the (often pimped) street workers.  Many had run away from abusive situations.  Their vulnerability was reflected in the fact that they had run away without the qualifications or experience that could help them get a job and fit within main-stream society.  Some did feel totally worthless after what they had endured.  So worthless that they did not trust society enough to want to fit into it.   And these are the ladies that we were used to seeing whenever the media turned its flash-lights on to the sex trade. 

And more recently, that focus has turned to the tragically trafficked women, performing not on street corners, but captive in darkened rooms with barred windows, physically forced to service more men in an hour than my body could handle in a week.

So, I can sort of understand why people still have this notion of the tragic sex worker who props her emotions and fake smiles with drink and drugs to get through another loathsome day. 

And you can understand why I am not, any day soon, going to introduce myself at some high-brow dinner party with the phrase, Hello, my name is Pru, and I'm an escort ...

tags: prostitution  sex  erotica  escort  prostitute  sex worker  drugs  abuse  rape  sexual abuse  human trafficking  sex trade  

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